i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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