...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
