omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Shame - the story of my life.
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