Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
