I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
