I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
