My liver just broke up with me...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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