Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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