Banned from zoo.
Again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
