if you like me you must not know who I am
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
