I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
