He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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