and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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