How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
