True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize