Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
