Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
