If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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