New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize