Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
