i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
