so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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