Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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