Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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