it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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