I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
