It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
