hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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