it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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