I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
barbara walters just said penis...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
