got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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