I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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