You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He passed out mid-signature
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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