I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
