i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize