i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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