He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
