so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
