So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
