I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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