Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
