Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
