i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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