Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
