i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
