SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
