You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
