its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
