I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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