You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
