god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize