It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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