You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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