is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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