It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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