my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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