I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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