Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize