It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just cut my nipple shaving
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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