he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
