last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize