I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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