you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I love you. Go after that dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize