As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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