LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
