i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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