I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
