Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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