So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
