Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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