thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
