I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
