the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
