This is not my ceiling
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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