be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
