If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
