Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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