i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
