I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
