Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My liver just had a heart attack.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
