pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
