organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize