Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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