A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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