Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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