We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
