Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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