i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
