I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i now understand why vodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
