We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
