a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
