her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
