I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
