So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
