Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
