Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
