Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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