i think i have two assholes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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