Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
