I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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