When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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